Fancy you stopped in
It isn’t uncommon for Jenna to break down within a minute’s notice. It is the emotional scars that have been placed within her mind by none other than—Ben Kramer.
One of her biggest fears is being alone. Ben knew this is one of her biggest fears and he used it against her. He would always leave her alone after he beat her; it was one of his many dysfunctional ways of making her suffer. She tries so hard to control her emotions, to put the memories out of her mind, but her emotions are no longer hers. They belong to the horrific memories that are permanently scorched into her mind.
This is the part of the abuse I loathe the most. The hurt and the pain she would go through over and over, it devastates me.
As she continues to sob, I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I would do anything to erase the horrific memories she has locked up in her head. But I can’t, I am helpless; all I can do is hold and comfort her until it passes. Purchase UK - Purchase US
Without thinking, I raise my hand and slap her across the face. She grasps her cheek and closes her eyes. Oh no, what did I do? I feel regret instantly. I attempt to embrace her, but she pulls away from me and stands. She walks out of the bedroom and to the front door. I rush up to her, standing in front of her.
‘I’m sorry, baby. I—I didn’t mean it,” I stutter. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. With that look, the look I saw quite often after Ben had hurt her.
“You promised you would never hit me,” she says tearfully. I don’t know what to say or what to do, so I stand there silently. She grasps the doorknob and I place my hand on hers.
“Please, Jenna, don’t leave,” I plead with desperation. She pushes my hand away then opens the door and leaves.
I slide down the door, sitting on the ground. I want to run after her, but I have no right; she had every reason to leave me. I freely raised my hand to her and hit her with the intention of making her feel pain. I am an abuser—like Ben Kramer.
I am unable to sleep the whole night. I lie in the bed, cursing myself out in my head. How could I hit her? The guilt is so fierce and the hurt so deep. I feel like I am in a world of isolation, the word ABUSER stamped on my forehead forever. The sun rises, indicating morning. I slide out of bed and jump into the shower.
I check my cell as soon as I walk out of the bathroom, hoping and praying for a text from Jenna, some indication of how she is feeling. But there is nothing. Purchase book.
The morning after was always the worse, the horrific memories of the night before quickly fills my mind as the bloody marks that encrusted my body throbbed painfully. Another emotional scar is added to the collection of pain and heartbreak I had endured over the years from Ben.
Ben walks over to the bed, rubbing cream on the bloody marks.
“I don’t enjoy punishing you, but you need to learn to obey me. How you dress and present yourself reflects on me. I am a Senator, and I have an obligation to uphold a certain way of living, dressing, and presenting myself. You are my wife, so these rules apply to you also.” Tears fall down my face.
“I’m sorry.” I respond tearfully. He ignores my apology.
“I called you into work. I told them you had the flu. Make things easier on both of us and abide by the rules.” he says to me.
I lay silently, as desolation overwhelms me, his words savagely tearing at my already severed heart. He kisses me on the forehead, and walks out of the room
My mind plummets into a dark hole. The reality of my existence enveloped me into a solitary desolation of hopelessness and agony. Ben left town that day. Whenever I would disobey Ben, he found it necessary to leave me alone to think and wallow in my misery. It was just another one of his dysfunctional ways of making me suffer. And it did. His lack of affection and compassion tore deep into my inner self, destroying all of my self esteem.
I stare into the mirror. My eyes are hollow and empty as a deep depression overtakes me.
I shower and cry silently to myself as the water burns through my bloody wounds. Purchase book.
A fire releases through his lips, igniting every nerve in my body as he kisses me. I clutch his back tightly, needing to feel his body close to mine. He kisses my neck softly. I tilt my head allowing him access. He slides his lips down my neck and I am so aroused I feel as if I will completely combust, as every kiss, every touch brings me closer to the edge. He moves down my body to my breast, twirling his tongue around my nipple, suckling it softly. I moan loudly as he kisses my stomach, moving still down my body. He kisses my thighs and my body starts to shiver, he places his hands under my thighs, lifting them gently, and moving between my legs. The soft twirl of his tongue inside me is more than my body can handle, and within seconds I find my release.
“Oh!” I moan, closing my eyes as my body convulses with pleasure. My breathing is so rapid I have to open my mouth to suck in air. I don’t even notice Andrew is no longer in the bed. I only notice when he moves on top of me. The fresh, minty smell of his breath is tantalizing, as he places his lips to mine.
I engulf him completely. He takes his hand, and gently spreads my knees apart, then enters inside of me.
The want for him was so deep, my mind wandered into a world of complete ecstasy. Every movement of his body syncs instantly with mine. I start to build up as he slowly moves inside of me. He kisses me, panting as he is building up, too. I wrap my legs around him, wanting him deeper inside of me. When I feel as if it couldn’t feel any better, he begins to move faster and it happens. I come undone instantly, finding my release once again. Andrew follows soon after. I am paralyzed, I can’t move. My body still convulses as he is still inside of me.
As he regains his strength he pulls out of me, lying to my side. He wraps his arms around me tightly, facing me.
“You’re trembling.” he says softly. I am breathless and unable to speak, so I just nod. Purchase book.
The light turning on wakes me. As I attempt to sit up I feel a body on mine then her lips. It is Kelly. Confused I lightly push her away. I look up towards the bedroom door and Jenna is standing there, with her hand still on the light switch and a sad look upon her face, she looks away from me.
“Jenna!” I blurt out immediately. She turns the light off and walks out of the room, closing the door.
I push Kelly off of me and jump out of the bed, running after Jenna. She has her hand on the door knob of the front door and I run up to her placing my hand gently on hers stopping her from leaving.
“Jenna, it wasn’t what it looked like.” I say to her nervously. She turns to face me.
“Andrew, you don’t owe me an explanation.” She responds with a smile.
“Jenna, I was sleeping. She came in there. She kissed me, but I didn’t kiss her back.”
“Really Andrew, it’s no big deal.” But it was a big deal. I could tell by her face, it was a really big deal.
“Please let me talk to you.” I plead. She looks around and I could tell she was looking for an excuse to leave.
“Manny called, he really wants to talk to me. So I have to really go, we can talk later, okay?” She opens the door and rushes out before I could answer.
I stand confused as this uncomfortable pain sears through my chest. Click to purchase book.
My want for a woman was only to satisfy my own sexual needs and desires. Love was never an option. Love to me was as an addiction, and I had no desire to be addicted to anything. Relationships a form of slavery, a way of saying I am chained to this person.
Shallow, arrogant and completely self centered, I never thought I was capable of acquiring any real feelings for a woman that is until I met her—Jenna Kramer. Click to purchase book.
My hands feel clammy, as I begin to sweat profusely, I was nervous—really nervous. She places her hands on the button of my jeans, slowly unbuttoning them. She bends as she yanks on the sides of my jeans pulling them down, along with my boxers. I step out of my pants and boxers and stand before her naked. She smiles slightly as she stares at my erection then slides her dress off.
I stare at her clad only in a corset. The corset accents her perfect curves and lifts her flawless breasts. Her skin shimmers as the light gleams down on it, so delicate, soft and beautiful. She walks closer to me and I can’t help but want to touch her. I place my hands on her shoulders and slide them down her arms. Then I bend my head slightly placing tender kisses on her shoulders. She moans as she clutches my back, inviting my lips. I slide my lips across her neck and nibble on her ear.
“Oh Andrew.” She moans. My name from her lips and her moaning was more than I could take. I wanted her—I needed her. I scoop her into my arms and place her on the bed, sliding on top of her... Click to purchase book.
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.